Based--Oobleck

Based--Oobleck is a Based blog portraying Bartholomew Fergaliscious Oobleck.

Early Life: Bartholemew Jean-Claude Espestos Oobleck was born unto Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj in early 2069. After the terrible wrecking ball accident that killed both of Bartholemew Sassamerataz Oobleck's parents, Beyonce adopted (just before Angelina Jole and Brad Pitt could) and took care of him. She taught him all about fashion and dance, but a strange urge kept beneath Bartholemew Shanananana Oobleck's surface arose. His semblance was discovered. Twerking. During a full moon, his buns would become so large, all the anacondas would want it. The mesmerizing shaking of his perfect buns would bring all the boys to the yard, away from the milkshakes. Soon, he would have to decide to use this power for good or evil.

Early Adulthood: Bartholomew Booblick Oobleck became a handsome young adult. He often trained with his mother, Beyonce, to control his semblance. All was good. He became an intern at his old school, Beacon Academy. He was on the track to happiness.

The Betty Incident: Life was well for Mr. Bartholomew Gyration Oobleck. In the summer, he met and fell in love with his long time friend, Betty Supuhoculawitts (supah-oh-cool-ah-wittz). They found each other in a coffee shop. She a waitress, he an intern at Beacon on a coffee run for the professors. He didn't even like coffee, despised it even, but he would often order something just to see her. They married the next spring. But poor Bartholomew Slamacow Oobleck had no idea what was to come. Late in the night, during a full moon, his booty became too large, he lost control of his semblance, suffocating his dear, sweet Betty. For months he was a wreck. He resorted to drinking. A year later he found a note to him, from his late wife. This touched Bartholemew Fandango Oobleck and got him out of his funk. He decided to sober up, for her. He goes to the same coffee shop that he met Betty in, and orders the same thing every day. Two weed coffees. One for him, and one for Betty.

Adulthood: Bartholemew Bootilicious Oobleck now teaches at Beacon Academy. Hiding his power away from the public, he has been cursed with perfect buns. His past experiences has left him yearning for the old days, with Betty. He became a history professor. In order to teach the people the importance of learning from mistakes, so they do not repeat them.

"I see lives that could've been saved" -Oobleck, secretly talking about Betty.